We have reasons, I swear!

"Nothing destroys Disney classics like knowledge."

That's what started all of this. And its the honest truth. Disney has long been loved and when anyone with sense looks at it and says "Well that just doesn't add up right," everyone around them shrugs and replies with, "Well, that's Disney."

What with the recent Netflix addition of Pocahontas to the annals of the instant queue, 80's and 90's children everyone screamed with joy at seeing their childhood once again on their TV screens, now with the added fun of being older and being able to understand all of those jokes that you have never quite understood when you were younger and just did not care.

Now let me take a minute to explain exactly how much I loved Pocahontas as a child. It was my FAVORITE! And that does need capitals, thank you very much. I loved it so much I had my mother go out and buy me the book that had all the music in it just so I could learn to play Colors of the Wind on the flute (which sounds quite nice, actually. But that's besides the point). I watched it so much that we had to get another copy of it on VHS because there were too many lines on the tape and you couldn't see the picture anymore. Yes, I remember VHS tapes. And still am the proud owner of several.

Now here I am, about five whole minutes into the film and filled with RAGE! ALL THE RAGE! WHY JOHN SMITH? WHY WOULD YOU EVER CUT THAT LINE! WHY IS THIS SO... NO. THIS IS NO.

Truth of the matter is, I still love Disney. I'll probably always love Disney, but I've come to a point where "Disney Magic" is no longer a viable reason for me to accept everything about these films. 

So teaming up with Stark, it is time for us to play the quintessential roles of the villains to our own childhoods and many others, bringing knowledge and truth to the argument of "Disney magic" and hopefully, you'll enjoy the ride. (if anyone ever reads this. Do people still read?)

First Post!

I started watching Pocahontas on Netflix earlier today. When I was a kid, I LOVED this movie because Pocahontas was pretty and stood on trees, and one day I wanted to be pretty and stand on trees. Now I am all grown up and am kind of average looking and the opportunities to stand on trees just doesn't show up as often as I thought it would as a child.

So when I saw it come up in my instant queue (English major adulthood starts when you start using 'cue' and 'queue' correctly btw) I knew I just had to watch it. Relive all of those epic moments of... uh... wait, what even happened in that movie other than Pocahontas saves John Smith? DON'T KNOW DON'T CARE GOTTA WATCH

It took literally seconds for me to get upset with how things were being portrayed. Ships cannons out on deck while under sail during a storm? Someone prioritizing tying things down on deck rather than tying up the main sail? Wait... wait did John Smith just CUT LOOSE THE MAIN SAIL DURING A GOD DAMN STORM AND TRY TO RIDE DOWN THE LINES HOLY SHIT WHAT WHY JESUS YOU JUST KILLED YOURSELF AND PROBABLY EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHIP

But no, because Disney Magic.

I realized then that while I enjoy the heck out of many Disney products, I will likely never appreciate the ones that I initially loved. Because nothing destroys classic childhood movies like knowledge.

And so in true Disney villain fashion, I have decided that I will now ruin everyone else's childhood, or at least everyone else who still reads blogger (haven't you all gone to tumblr? don't you tumbl?). This joint-effort blog will be about things that I and others have learned about the world that make old childhood movies impossible to watch without cringing. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

--Stark