First Post!

I started watching Pocahontas on Netflix earlier today. When I was a kid, I LOVED this movie because Pocahontas was pretty and stood on trees, and one day I wanted to be pretty and stand on trees. Now I am all grown up and am kind of average looking and the opportunities to stand on trees just doesn't show up as often as I thought it would as a child.

So when I saw it come up in my instant queue (English major adulthood starts when you start using 'cue' and 'queue' correctly btw) I knew I just had to watch it. Relive all of those epic moments of... uh... wait, what even happened in that movie other than Pocahontas saves John Smith? DON'T KNOW DON'T CARE GOTTA WATCH

It took literally seconds for me to get upset with how things were being portrayed. Ships cannons out on deck while under sail during a storm? Someone prioritizing tying things down on deck rather than tying up the main sail? Wait... wait did John Smith just CUT LOOSE THE MAIN SAIL DURING A GOD DAMN STORM AND TRY TO RIDE DOWN THE LINES HOLY SHIT WHAT WHY JESUS YOU JUST KILLED YOURSELF AND PROBABLY EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHIP

But no, because Disney Magic.

I realized then that while I enjoy the heck out of many Disney products, I will likely never appreciate the ones that I initially loved. Because nothing destroys classic childhood movies like knowledge.

And so in true Disney villain fashion, I have decided that I will now ruin everyone else's childhood, or at least everyone else who still reads blogger (haven't you all gone to tumblr? don't you tumbl?). This joint-effort blog will be about things that I and others have learned about the world that make old childhood movies impossible to watch without cringing. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

--Stark